Foots Spa and other funny signs in Manila, La Union, Albay and Tagaytay

N.B. – This was published in Asian Correspondent (June 2, 8:00 a.m.) where I write a column (Philippine Fantasy).

That Manila is the Philippines’ seat of political power and home to various English tutorial centers is already globally known. That’s why it has a reputation to protect which this sign fails to maintain.

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Would you believe that this was taken inside a popular shopping mall in the heart of Manila, and near a campus of the premier state university at that? I know, the one who wrote the sign is badly in need of an “ED” (educational discussion).

Our other sign was also taken in another shopping mall which is more popular and than the previous one. This could be seen in all of its branches that have department stores. Its Yellow Tag campaign is widely implemented up to now and people can easily identify the products that have the yellow tags. But do they know the difference between “everyday” and “every day”?

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I’m sure you and I have made that mistake in the past. Just to review our diction: “Everyday” is an adjective (e.g., Writing is an everyday task) while “every day” is normally used as an adverb (e.g., I write every day). Or in the case of the yellow sign, “Win prizes every day.”

When my wife and I went to the studio of a leading TV network for our media interview (our love story was aired for the nth time, but I digress), we chanced upon this notice near the studio’s door.

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Or else what, may I ask? And what do you mean by “please (or else)?” Feel free to make threats, but please specify them. And, in this case, you should not misplace “or else” in your sign! Better do that…or else!

From Manila, let’s travel to Albay in the Bicol region where my wife used to live. We usually go there to visit relatives and friends.

Whenever we’re in town, we always ask them: “Aren’t you glad we’re back?” And they would answer: “I don’t see your back. You’re both in front of me!”

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In the case of this sign, it’s simply one “s” too many. Believe me, the name of the photocopying machine and the stall is not Its!

One thing I like about Albay is that everything is cheap. A haircut only costs PhP40 and a shave costs the same amount. What about a foot spa?

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Contrary to what this sign implies, both of your feet are subjected to a spa. A third foot costs extra, I think.

Let’s leave Albay for now and proceed to Tagaytay which is located in Southern Tagalog. My colleagues at the University of the Philippines (UP) held a workshop and we went to an inn that is not really well-known (at least for those living in Manila), contrary to its name.

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Good to know that the owner did not put the word “Inn” before “Famous.” That would make his or her place popular only to politicians.

Somewhere near the Famous Inn, there is a hotel that’s relatively more in demand because it had no vacancy at that time.

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Then again, the sign had an “unwanted” apostrophe. I wonder what would happen to the sign maker if the owner found out. Would the latter fire the former and hang the sign “Vacancy: Sign Maker”? Or would the owner just simply hang the sign maker?

After our workshop, we decided to go to a market in Tagaytay to buy vegetables. Roaming around the place, I noticed this intriguing name of a drug testing clinic.

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Using the word in Tagalog, “maluto” means “to cook.” But in the Bicol language, “maluto” means cooked rice. A colloquial Tagalog usage of the root word “luto” refers to deception. So when someone says “niluto ang eleksiyon,” the loose translation in English is “the election was rigged.” So what does that say of the quality of medical and drug testing in this clinic?

Yes, the humor could be somewhat lost in the previous sign if you’re non-Filipino. But this one does not need any explanation or translation. You only need to have a sense of direction.

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There is no second floor at the stall, so it’s impossible to proceed upstairs where you can reach the back entrance, if this sign were to be believed.

From Tagaytay, let’s go to La Union where I conducted a technical writing seminar-workshop for its provincial government. Since my wife accompanied me to my speaking engagement, our ever-gracious host took us to a Chinese temple near the provincial capital. I almost left when I saw this sign.

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Why is “dating” not allowed? And “holding?” What does this mean? Oh, I’m already married so going out with my wife doesn’t constitute a date, right? Wrong! By the way, please don’t laugh if I tell you the name of the temple: It’s called Macho Temple.

Anyway, my wife and I also toured the La Union Botanical Garden which had not just flora but also fauna. This sign there intrigued me.

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In English, the sign reads: “Don’t go near the animals. Dangerous!” Nothing funny there, and the management of the botanical garden should be commended for putting up this advisory. I just asked myself: What if I were to steal this sign and place it near the gates of the House of Representatives? Aren’t there a lot of crocodiles and snakes to avoid? Isn’t talking to politicians hazardous to one’s health and even state of mind?

Obviously, we left La Union without the sign, just the photograph which I hope you all like. More funny signs to follow next week. Thank you for reading!

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