Thanks to my mother whose idea of parenting includes requiring her children to take summer courses, I learned how to type when I was still in Grade 5, or the summer of 1981 to be exact. (Yes, I am that old, and what we used then were not computers but typewriters, both manual and electric.)

My mother took me to a vocational school in Caloocan City where we used to live, and the teacher then wondered why I was enrolled in a class full of college students and professionals.

I was not taken seriously by my “summer classmates” at that time and I consequently felt like a “sit-in.” One of them would even tease me whenever my mother arrives after our class to take me home.

It was not until I topped (ahem!) an examination (I think it had to do with the parts of a typewriter) that they began to treat me like a classmate, asking me questions if they did not understand the lessons and advising me where to buy cheap coupon bonds, stencil papers, correction fluid and other supplies.

I finished the typing course in 1981 with the highest grade but I did not have the highest words-per-minute (WPM) during our final practical exam. From what I recall, the honor went to a female secretary who was more than 20 years my senior. I remember that my WPM then ranged from 100 to 120 WPM using an electric typewriter.

So what is my WPM at present? I took an online speed typing test and, much as I hate to admit it, I have slowed down a lot.

83 words

The website also states that I got “358 points” and that my rank is “6,242 (out) of 157,201 on the ranking list.” The test results also show the following:

You type 444 characters per minute
You have 83 correct words and
you have 0 wrong words

My current rank puts me in the upper 4% of those who took the test.

How about you? If you’re curious about your own WPM, it wouldn’t hurt to take this test which only takes 60 seconds to complete. Thank you for reading!

My trip to a popular mall in Marikina City last April 14 resulted in yet another harvest of funny signs.

My decision to start taking pictures around the mall using my camera phone (I know: It’s only a Nokia 6070, but it gets the job done!) was prompted by this sign I saw after buying a pineapple shake. I don’t mind adding P10 for ice cream, but what will I get for an additional P7?

Yes, my plan for this installment of funny signs is a product of the flan’s misspelling.

Roaming around the mall while drinking my pineapple shake, the sign below reminds me of my previous post on “Snickers,” “Chicken Fingers” and “Pocari Sweat.” Please note that what’s being sold are bubble gums.

Do you honestly think that children would buy a gum with this brand if they knew what a hockey puck is? If I were to give this to my four-year old English-speaking niece, she would most likely ask me, “Uncle, what the puck is this?”

The typographical error in the next sign is not so obvious but if you read my previous post on the eight-digit electronic calculator, you would immediately know what’s wrong.

Yes, It’s wrong to use a dash in this case as the two words are not being used as an adjective. The product being sold promises that you’ll be alluring for one day, which means a 24-hour (or one-day) state of attractiveness.

If this is a sign that has an unnecessary character, our next funny sign has an excess character, or a letter to be more precise. Care to guess what letter it is?

If your answer is the letter “e,” then you’re correct. This is a common mistake in spelling out the word “tarp.”

Kindly note, however, that the words “adrenalin” and “adrenaline” are both correct. You have the option to choose one or the other but you need to be consistent, of course, if you were to use the word “adrenalin/adrenaline” in your written output more than once.

Our next sign is also a case of an excess character, this time involving the letter “s.”

You may think it’s just a joke if you were to tell me that the word should have been “tuffs.” There is such a word, mind you. Tuff refers to a rock formed by the consolidation of volcanic ash. From what I know, tuff is not a collective noun so “tuffs” could be used to refer to several rocks of this kind.

The word “stuff,” however, is a collective noun so it is wrong to add the letter “s” after it to refer to its plural form. This rule may remind you of my previous post on the use of the word “gear.”

The sign below, on the other hand, confuses me as to what’s being sold.

Does this refer to bags you can use if you were to go on a shopping spree? Or does this sign refer to bags that are currently on sale? Since it’s apparently the latter, the sign should read: “Bags on sale.” (I assume, of course, that you are not putting on sale only one bag, but several.

Let me end this installment with a joke which I hope you’ll find funny.

There are several innovations being done by capitalists to meet and create demand for products. In the case of mobile phones, for example, there are so many add-on features that result in the convergence of telephony with other aspects of information technology, making them practically part of our lives. Some people would even quip that mobile phones are already part of their anatomy (not literally, I hope).

I know that I promised you a joke, so here it is: Have slippers finally evolved into something that’s part of our human body? Look at the sign below:

I know there are slippers for boys and girls, as well as men and women. I didn’t know that even women who are experiencing that time of the month should wear “mens” slippers.

Or maybe I’m mistaken in my interpretation. The slippers are the ones menstruating!

See what a lacking apostrophe can do to my imagination, as well as yours? Thanks for reading!

If you watch 24 Oras or Saksi on GMA 7 tonight (April 16), you might see me explain my views on the wage hike debate.

I was just interviewed a few minutes ago by a GMA 7 reporter who, in the course of her research on the topic, came across an article I wrote in January 2007.

The article is titled “The Logic Behind a Legislated Wage Hike” published in Bulatlat Online Magazine. The reporter asked questions regarding the points I raised in this article.

I also provided updates on my computations with regard to how a wage increase could affect cost of production, at least in the manufacturing sector. If you would read my article, you would notice that I only used 2006 data, hence the need for updates. True enough, the effect on the overall cost of production is lower now than my estimates two years ago.

Just out of curiosity, I searched “legislated wage hike” in Google and, to my surprise, my January 2007 article currently ranks fifth.

I don’t think that this is a reflection of lack of more current research on a very important issue. Then again, I consider this a wake-up call to write once more about wages, especially in the wake of the current rice crisis.

Update (April 17, 1:25 pm): That’s me being interviewed by 24 Oras (GMA 7) last night (April 16, around 6:40 pm). I don’t know if I deserve to be called “political analyst,” but I agreed to it when it was suggested by the reporter. If you want to view the entire news cast, kindly click the image above. Thank you for reading.

For this installment of funny signs, let’s differentiate between the not-so-obvious errors and the glaring ones.

Arriving earlier than expected at a bus station in Cubao yesterday (April 10), a relative who was scheduled to take the night trip to Bicol went with me to a popular mall. But before going there, I can’t help but take a picture of a sign hanging on the door of a bus company.

The spelling of Naga, Ligao, Daraga and Tabaco (all of them in Bicol) is correct. What about the remaining one? The correct spelling should be Legazpi. I have to concede, however, that there are those who are wont to replace the “z” with an “s” in referring to this city, also in Bicol. Please note that this is wrong.

Inside a popular mall in Cubao, I noticed this summer promo at a retail outlet.

That the word “summer” was capitalized below is very minor. What proves to be unacceptable in English grammar is putting the letter “s” after the word “gear” which, in this particular case, is used as a collective noun.

The word “gears,” however, can be used when referring to the mechanism used to transmit and control motion from an engine. For example, our Honda Wave 125 has four gears. Our old-model Suzuki Vitara has automatic transmission with Park, Reverse, Neutral, Drive, 2 (second) and Low gears. (Hope you’re not thinking that I’m just using this post to link to my motorcycling and driving-related posts. Then again, I can’t blame you if you think that way.)

As regards our Vitara, I waited for my wife to arrive to consult her on the possibility of buying a cover for it. Even if expensive, we decided to buy one. When we arrived at our house, we were surprised by what we read on the label. Aside from the Vitara, other vehicles can use the cover, apparently even a misspelled one.

I am well aware that the series model of vehicles go by different names. What is known as Vitara in the Philippines, for example, is called Sidekick and Escudo in others. But the make (in this case Suzuki) never changes.

The same case holds for the Toyota. The current dry spell in the Philippines shouldn’t prompt us to rename it to Toyuta or Tuyota (tuyot, ah!). (For those who don’t know Filipino and don’t get the joke, tuyot means dry.)

Our last funny sign (definitely not from Cubao) was emailed by a former student, Julie Aurelio, who now works for one of the country’s leading broadsheets. She said that this was just forwarded to her by a reporter from another broadsheet, so I do not know who took this picture.

In any case, I think my earlier promise of ending with glaring errors has been fulfilled by this. Read it and try not to weep!

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading!

As promised, here are some funny signs from my recent out-of-town trips.

Let’s start from a province that’s about an hour’s drive away from our house in Marikina. I was invited to conduct a writing workshop for high school campus journalists, and the activity was held at a recently opened resort.

My wife and I noticed this sign inside our room.

Do you know what’s wrong? Not yet? Let’s focus on the last two paragraphs.

Do as you would be done by. That’s obviously an awkward sentence construction, and I won’t even try to interpret it.

Please tell me: How does one go about “scattering sunshine?” And if you think for others, does this mean that the others won’t think at all? That’s something to think about. (Talk about an indirect crash course in prepositions!)

Anyway, my wife and I took the night trip to Bicol immediately after the workshop I conducted. While passing by city hall, I noticed this sign that proudly and redundantly announces the city’s anniversary.

You don’t need to put the word “year” if you’re referring to an anniversary. The latter already means annual celebration.

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading!

I was having my car washed at around 10 a.m. today (March 28) when I got this text message from Engr. Mon Ramirez, webmaster of Arkibong Bayan:

Wow! Frnt page pala sa inqr times gmanews tv. N 2 thnk na ala pang 20 katao.

My very loose translation of Mon’s text message: Wow, the activity got front-page treatment in the Philippine Daily Inquirer (PDI), Manila Times (MT) and GMANews.TV. And to think that there were less than 20 people at the picket.

I immediately looked for a copy of today’s issue of the PDI. Feel free the read the online version of the front-page article titled “Protesters hound Neri at UP meeting.”

When I arrived at UP, I looked at the front page of today’s issue of the MT and my friend Mon was right.

As regards today’s issue of the Philippine Star (PS), an article on page 5 titled “Neri jeered at UP” had an interesting source.

Yes, we thank our friends in the media for covering the event even if they were informed only at the last minute.

Of course, I should mention that Mon had been quick to upload the pictures of the activity to Arkibong Bayan. Here’s one of them.

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading!

Would you buy grammatically challenged products?

Jamie Alarcon, a former student of mine, sent me this picture taken inside a popular supermarket along Chino Roces.

Apparently, foreign industrialists don’t make cheese the way they used to! Does the same go for “that thing you use to tie your hair?” Check out the picture below.

In case you don’t know, elastics are normally made of latex and are used in braces. I have yet to meet a person who has hair in his mouth!

Now, get ready for a triple rhyme: Elastic band, on the other hand, means rubber band. The product being sold resembles the latter. As I said, it’s that thing you use to…you know what I mean.

After looking at another product below, I can’t help but ask: Is there such a thing as an “official” or “professional” pair of scissors?

Please keep in mind that when you write, you have to think in terms of counter-examples, especially in using adjectives and adverbs.

The problem with this sign is not the word but a misplaced punctuation mark.

If the intention were to state that the calculator has eight digits, then there’s no need for a dash. But if the phrase “eight digits” were used as an adjective, the label should read “8-digit electronic calculator.”

I’m sure you can easily detect what’s wrong with this sign.

By the way, if you want to read more grammatically challenged toys, feel free to read my previous post in January 2008.

Now that we have an idea of what not to buy, let me ask you: Would you be willing to buy from retail outlets that have these notices?

The first is a case of too many punctuation marks, and the second is a case of…where do I start? Just for the record, I was not the one who put editing marks on the second sign.

Anyway, after all those buying and selling, let’s now proceed to eating!

When my wife and I went to Boracay in early February, we can’t help but take this picture.

We chose not to eat at that restaurant. Much as the “eat all you can” promotion is tempting, we do not know who or what is fresh: Is it the cook or the ones being cooked?

And since you’ve been patient enough to read several funny signs I’ve posted, I will give you a rare opportunity to get a free copy of the February 2008 issue (Volume 5, Number 1) of Plaridel: A Journal of Philippine Communication, Media, and Society. You should know that as faculty member and director of the Office of Research and Publication (ORP) of the University of the Philippines College of Mass Communication (UP CMC), I am entitled to several copies of the journal. What I’ll give you, if ever, is one of my free copies. Anyway, there are only two simple rules. First, analyze the picture below and tell me what’s wrong with the use of one word. Second, post a comment here, identifying what you think is the misused word and why this is so. The first one to post the correct answer gets the free copy of the Plaridel journal.

• Update (March 27, 1:50 pm): An hour into the contest and I already have a winner. Read the comments for details.

Are you ready? Here’s the picture I took at a restaurant inside Blue Wave (Marquinton) in Marikina City.

Thank you for reading. Cheers!

It starts with a snicker and ends with a finger.

While there’s nothing ungrammatical about this installment of funny signs, sometimes it makes you wonder what’s on the mind of those who thought about these brand names which my wife and I found while buying food at a popular supermarket.

I can understand that chocolates can be named Kisses or Hugs, as these are marketed as being synonymous with love and care. But don’t you wonder why this is the name of a popular chocolate?

You and I can more or less understand if a brand of chocolate has to do with happiness or togetherness. But I’m sure you know that there is a difference between a smile and a laughter, and a laughter and a snicker. (The latter, just so we’re clear, is a disrespectful laugh.)

Maybe it’s just me, but I won’t give this brand of chocolate to my wife. She might think that I was snickering when I bought it.

This next brand of chocolate is not as disrespectful as it is “demonic.” Okay, maybe it’s just me again.

For some strange reason, the first thing that came to mind after reading the brand name is demonyito (little demon). Did you have this impression?

Since I seldom eat chocolates, you should know that I haven’t tasted it yet. For all we know, there could be something “devilish” or “sinful” in the taste, very much like the Devil’s Food Cake.

Even if this particular health drink has been widely publicized. I still can’t understand why it should be named after a gland secretion. Is there something salty about this drink?

A quick research shows that this is a popular health drink in Japan. According to its official website, it is “a mild tasting, refreshing drink which replenishes body fluids lost through perspiration.” While it’s commendable for the company to make the product available to health conscious Filipinos, shouldn’t we rethink the name? Again, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t like the idea of drinking something that’s named sweat!

For our last funny brand name, let us review the parts of the chicken that we eat. If memory serves, these are mainly the thigh, leg, breast, rib, wing, neck and feet. Is the sign below a case against genetically modified organisms (GMOs)?

From what I know, chickens have wings and feet, not fingers. While the chicken pieces are shaped like (human) fingers, it looks awkward if they were packaged as “chicken fingers.”

In relation to this, you may ask, “Do chickens have nuggets?” Of course, you already know the answer. Thank you for reading!

My wife and I have been living in Marikina since 2005. But it was only last March 9 (Sunday) that we, together with a couple of in-laws, had the time to go to the World of Butterflies which is just a few blocks away from our house.

I won’t discuss the features of this particular home to several species of butterflies lest I spoil your planned visit there. Besides, as the title suggests, the reason for this post has more to do with sex and grammar.

Huh? What am I writing about? Anyway, before I give you the answer, I’d like to show you what you can see should you decide to go to the World of Butterflies.

Isn’t that beautiful? Of course, you may answer with a counter-question, “Isn’t that obvious?”

Anyway, let’s cut right to the chase and show you this funny sign that has to do with sex and grammar.

Had the sign been properly edited, it would have read:

MATING CAGES

An enclosed area where mating of butterflies, which could last up to 24 hours, takes place.

I still can’t get over the fact that the copulation period for butterflies lasts up to 24 hours or one full day. This situation more than makes up for their very short life span, don’t you think?

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading!

I hope you can make it to the Director’s Cut film festival from March 5 to 7 (Wednesday to Friday) at the Cine Adarna of the UP Film Institute.

Aside from helping promote this activity sponsored by the University of the Philippines College of Mass Communication (UP CMC), I will also moderate the open forum that follows the screening of Bakit May Kahapon Pa? (directed by Joel Lamangan) on March 5, 5 p.m.

Tickets are priced at P200 for each film, but students with valid IDs will only pay P100.

A festival pass which entitles the holder to view all nine films costs P1,000. The first 100 students to buy festival passes will only pay P500 upon presentation of their valid IDs.

For the faculty members and staff of UP CMC, they only need to pay P100 for each film.

For senior citizens and teachers from other UP colleges and other schools, they will be entitled to a 20% discount (i.e., P160) for each film.

Journalists with valid press IDs will have FREE entry to any of the nine films they want to watch.

Please find below the poster for our activity which you’re free to disseminate. Thank you for reading!