My trip to a popular mall in Marikina City last April 14 resulted in yet another harvest of funny signs.

My decision to start taking pictures around the mall using my camera phone (I know: It’s only a Nokia 6070, but it gets the job done!) was prompted by this sign I saw after buying a pineapple shake. I don’t mind adding P10 for ice cream, but what will I get for an additional P7?

Yes, my plan for this installment of funny signs is a product of the flan’s misspelling.

Roaming around the mall while drinking my pineapple shake, the sign below reminds me of my previous post on “Snickers,” “Chicken Fingers” and “Pocari Sweat.” Please note that what’s being sold are bubble gums.

Do you honestly think that children would buy a gum with this brand if they knew what a hockey puck is? If I were to give this to my four-year old English-speaking niece, she would most likely ask me, “Uncle, what the puck is this?”

The typographical error in the next sign is not so obvious but if you read my previous post on the eight-digit electronic calculator, you would immediately know what’s wrong.

Yes, It’s wrong to use a dash in this case as the two words are not being used as an adjective. The product being sold promises that you’ll be alluring for one day, which means a 24-hour (or one-day) state of attractiveness.

If this is a sign that has an unnecessary character, our next funny sign has an excess character, or a letter to be more precise. Care to guess what letter it is?

If your answer is the letter “e,” then you’re correct. This is a common mistake in spelling out the word “tarp.”

Kindly note, however, that the words “adrenalin” and “adrenaline” are both correct. You have the option to choose one or the other but you need to be consistent, of course, if you were to use the word “adrenalin/adrenaline” in your written output more than once.

Our next sign is also a case of an excess character, this time involving the letter “s.”

You may think it’s just a joke if you were to tell me that the word should have been “tuffs.” There is such a word, mind you. Tuff refers to a rock formed by the consolidation of volcanic ash. From what I know, tuff is not a collective noun so “tuffs” could be used to refer to several rocks of this kind.

The word “stuff,” however, is a collective noun so it is wrong to add the letter “s” after it to refer to its plural form. This rule may remind you of my previous post on the use of the word “gear.”

The sign below, on the other hand, confuses me as to what’s being sold.

Does this refer to bags you can use if you were to go on a shopping spree? Or does this sign refer to bags that are currently on sale? Since it’s apparently the latter, the sign should read: “Bags on sale.” (I assume, of course, that you are not putting on sale only one bag, but several.

Let me end this installment with a joke which I hope you’ll find funny.

There are several innovations being done by capitalists to meet and create demand for products. In the case of mobile phones, for example, there are so many add-on features that result in the convergence of telephony with other aspects of information technology, making them practically part of our lives. Some people would even quip that mobile phones are already part of their anatomy (not literally, I hope).

I know that I promised you a joke, so here it is: Have slippers finally evolved into something that’s part of our human body? Look at the sign below:

I know there are slippers for boys and girls, as well as men and women. I didn’t know that even women who are experiencing that time of the month should wear “mens” slippers.

Or maybe I’m mistaken in my interpretation. The slippers are the ones menstruating!

See what a lacking apostrophe can do to my imagination, as well as yours? Thanks for reading!

For this installment of funny signs, let’s differentiate between the not-so-obvious errors and the glaring ones.

Arriving earlier than expected at a bus station in Cubao yesterday (April 10), a relative who was scheduled to take the night trip to Bicol went with me to a popular mall. But before going there, I can’t help but take a picture of a sign hanging on the door of a bus company.

The spelling of Naga, Ligao, Daraga and Tabaco (all of them in Bicol) is correct. What about the remaining one? The correct spelling should be Legazpi. I have to concede, however, that there are those who are wont to replace the “z” with an “s” in referring to this city, also in Bicol. Please note that this is wrong.

Inside a popular mall in Cubao, I noticed this summer promo at a retail outlet.

That the word “summer” was capitalized below is very minor. What proves to be unacceptable in English grammar is putting the letter “s” after the word “gear” which, in this particular case, is used as a collective noun.

The word “gears,” however, can be used when referring to the mechanism used to transmit and control motion from an engine. For example, our Honda Wave 125 has four gears. Our old-model Suzuki Vitara has automatic transmission with Park, Reverse, Neutral, Drive, 2 (second) and Low gears. (Hope you’re not thinking that I’m just using this post to link to my motorcycling and driving-related posts. Then again, I can’t blame you if you think that way.)

As regards our Vitara, I waited for my wife to arrive to consult her on the possibility of buying a cover for it. Even if expensive, we decided to buy one. When we arrived at our house, we were surprised by what we read on the label. Aside from the Vitara, other vehicles can use the cover, apparently even a misspelled one.

I am well aware that the series model of vehicles go by different names. What is known as Vitara in the Philippines, for example, is called Sidekick and Escudo in others. But the make (in this case Suzuki) never changes.

The same case holds for the Toyota. The current dry spell in the Philippines shouldn’t prompt us to rename it to Toyuta or Tuyota (tuyot, ah!). (For those who don’t know Filipino and don’t get the joke, tuyot means dry.)

Our last funny sign (definitely not from Cubao) was emailed by a former student, Julie Aurelio, who now works for one of the country’s leading broadsheets. She said that this was just forwarded to her by a reporter from another broadsheet, so I do not know who took this picture.

In any case, I think my earlier promise of ending with glaring errors has been fulfilled by this. Read it and try not to weep!

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading!

As promised, here are some funny signs from my recent out-of-town trips.

Let’s start from a province that’s about an hour’s drive away from our house in Marikina. I was invited to conduct a writing workshop for high school campus journalists, and the activity was held at a recently opened resort.

My wife and I noticed this sign inside our room.

Do you know what’s wrong? Not yet? Let’s focus on the last two paragraphs.

Do as you would be done by. That’s obviously an awkward sentence construction, and I won’t even try to interpret it.

Please tell me: How does one go about “scattering sunshine?” And if you think for others, does this mean that the others won’t think at all? That’s something to think about. (Talk about an indirect crash course in prepositions!)

Anyway, my wife and I took the night trip to Bicol immediately after the workshop I conducted. While passing by city hall, I noticed this sign that proudly and redundantly announces the city’s anniversary.

You don’t need to put the word “year” if you’re referring to an anniversary. The latter already means annual celebration.

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading!

Would you buy grammatically challenged products?

Jamie Alarcon, a former student of mine, sent me this picture taken inside a popular supermarket along Chino Roces.

Apparently, foreign industrialists don’t make cheese the way they used to! Does the same go for “that thing you use to tie your hair?” Check out the picture below.

In case you don’t know, elastics are normally made of latex and are used in braces. I have yet to meet a person who has hair in his mouth!

Now, get ready for a triple rhyme: Elastic band, on the other hand, means rubber band. The product being sold resembles the latter. As I said, it’s that thing you use to…you know what I mean.

After looking at another product below, I can’t help but ask: Is there such a thing as an “official” or “professional” pair of scissors?

Please keep in mind that when you write, you have to think in terms of counter-examples, especially in using adjectives and adverbs.

The problem with this sign is not the word but a misplaced punctuation mark.

If the intention were to state that the calculator has eight digits, then there’s no need for a dash. But if the phrase “eight digits” were used as an adjective, the label should read “8-digit electronic calculator.”

I’m sure you can easily detect what’s wrong with this sign.

By the way, if you want to read more grammatically challenged toys, feel free to read my previous post in January 2008.

Now that we have an idea of what not to buy, let me ask you: Would you be willing to buy from retail outlets that have these notices?

The first is a case of too many punctuation marks, and the second is a case of…where do I start? Just for the record, I was not the one who put editing marks on the second sign.

Anyway, after all those buying and selling, let’s now proceed to eating!

When my wife and I went to Boracay in early February, we can’t help but take this picture.

We chose not to eat at that restaurant. Much as the “eat all you can” promotion is tempting, we do not know who or what is fresh: Is it the cook or the ones being cooked?

And since you’ve been patient enough to read several funny signs I’ve posted, I will give you a rare opportunity to get a free copy of the February 2008 issue (Volume 5, Number 1) of Plaridel: A Journal of Philippine Communication, Media, and Society. You should know that as faculty member and director of the Office of Research and Publication (ORP) of the University of the Philippines College of Mass Communication (UP CMC), I am entitled to several copies of the journal. What I’ll give you, if ever, is one of my free copies. Anyway, there are only two simple rules. First, analyze the picture below and tell me what’s wrong with the use of one word. Second, post a comment here, identifying what you think is the misused word and why this is so. The first one to post the correct answer gets the free copy of the Plaridel journal.

• Update (March 27, 1:50 pm): An hour into the contest and I already have a winner. Read the comments for details.

Are you ready? Here’s the picture I took at a restaurant inside Blue Wave (Marquinton) in Marikina City.

Thank you for reading. Cheers!

My wife and I have been living in Marikina since 2005. But it was only last March 9 (Sunday) that we, together with a couple of in-laws, had the time to go to the World of Butterflies which is just a few blocks away from our house.

I won’t discuss the features of this particular home to several species of butterflies lest I spoil your planned visit there. Besides, as the title suggests, the reason for this post has more to do with sex and grammar.

Huh? What am I writing about? Anyway, before I give you the answer, I’d like to show you what you can see should you decide to go to the World of Butterflies.

Isn’t that beautiful? Of course, you may answer with a counter-question, “Isn’t that obvious?”

Anyway, let’s cut right to the chase and show you this funny sign that has to do with sex and grammar.

Had the sign been properly edited, it would have read:

MATING CAGES

An enclosed area where mating of butterflies, which could last up to 24 hours, takes place.

I still can’t get over the fact that the copulation period for butterflies lasts up to 24 hours or one full day. This situation more than makes up for their very short life span, don’t you think?

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading!

N.B. - This was published in Vol. 7, No. 9 (March 5-11, 2008) of Pinoy Weekly (p. 5), the full text of which may also be retrieved from http://www.pinoyweekly.org/cms/2008/03/balarila-ng-anomalya.

Sa paglalahad ng mensahe, minsa’y hindi napapansin kung tama ang paggamit ng mga salita. Kung nagmamadali kasi ang isang tao sa pagpapaliwanag, kadalasang naisasantabi na ang balarila’t ortograpiya.

Totoo namang hindi tayo kailangang maging purista pagdating sa wika. Hindi dapat pagtawanan ang mga taong walang sapat na kaalaman sa wika, partikular ang mga hindi naman nagpakadalubhasa rito.

Kung may paghuhusga tayong nais gawin, ang laman at hindi porma ng mensahe ang dapat nating tutukan. Sa madaling salita, mas importante ang sustansiya (o kawalan nito) kaysa sa gramatika ng tagapagsalita.

Tuwing mapapanood natin ang mga pagdinig sa Senado, maaaring pagbigyan ang mga senador at iba pang naimbitahan sa parati nilang paggamit ng “present state,” “at this point in time,” “cease and desist,” “illegal and unlawful” at iba pang kamalian sa wikang Ingles. Pinipilit lang naman nilang gamitin ang banyagang wika para magpaliwanag, hindi ba?

Pero mapapansin nating ang kamalian sa paggamit ng isang wika ay indikasyon din ng pagtatakip ng katotohanan.

Ang PNP (Philippine National Police) at ATO (Air Transportation Office), halimbawa, ay may pagkakamali sa paggamit ng mga salitang “no-fly zone” para ipaliwanag ang restriksyon sa himpapawid ng Makati dahil sa isinagawang malawakang pagkilos noong Biyernes ng hapon. Ano ba ang ipinagbabawal nila? Ang langaw (fly) o ang paglipad (flight) ng mga helikopter at eroplano? Para sa isang malisyoso, maaaring iba rin ang pakahulugan ng salitang “fly.” (Tandang tanda ko pa ang patalastas noon ng kompanyang Levi’s tungkol sa “button fly jeans!”)

Bakit hindi na lang kasi maging direkta sa mensahe ang mga nasa kapangyarihan, partikular ang mga nasa Malakanyang?

Kung may pagbabawal sa paglipad ng mga helikopter at eroplano, gamitin na lang ang mga salitang “restricted airspace.”

Kung haharangin ang mga planong pumunta sa Makati, gamitin na lang ang mga salitang “restricted movement” o “suspension of the right to travel.”

Mapapansin kasing napakahaba ng paliwanag sa mga bagay na kaya namang masabi sa iilang salita. Sa halip na direktang sabihing “pagdukot” ang ginawa kay Rodolfo Noel “Jun” Lozada, Jr., halimbawa, kung anu-anong paliwanag ang ginawa ng kapulisan para ipakitang kagustuhan niya at ng pamilya niya ang kanyang ilang oras na pagkawala. Sa bandang huli, ang asawa pa ni Lozada ang kinasuhan ng PNP dahil sa pag-aalala ng una na naiulat sa midya.

Kahit ang pag-amin ni Pangulong Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo sa isang interbyu sa radyo na alam niyang may “anomalya” sa proyektong NBN (national broadband network) bago ang pirmahan ng kontrata sa Tsina, pilit na itinatanggi ng Malakanyang. Ayon sa ulat ng Philippine Daily Inquirer (Pebrero 28), sinabi ni Executive Secretary Eduardo Ermita, “Parang merong insinuation pero di naman sinasabing meron.”

Ano po ba ang sinabi ng Pangulong pilit niyang ipinagtatanggol? Ayon sa transcript ng interbyu na mula mismo sa Office of the Press Secretary (OPS), sinabi ni Macapagal-Arroyo: “Una sa lahat, hindi ko gusto ng katiwalian. Ang taumbayan ay galit sa katiwalian, ganun din ako, galit din ako sa katiwalian. Kaya itong proyektong ito, oras na may pag-uusap na may anomalya, ay agad kong kinansela — agad-agad na gumawa ako ng hakbang para kanselahin…Kanselado na iyon, matagal na. Oras na may sumbong sa akin, tiningnan ko na iyong paraan kung papaano kanselahin. Nagsumbong sa akin the night before the signing of the supply contract pero hindi pa naman kasi — that was only one of many signings.”

Para sa mga nakakaintindi ng Filipino, malinaw na nangyari ang kanselasyon noong Setyembre 22, 2007 hindi dahil sa ipinag-utos ng Korte Suprema ang suspensiyon nito kundi dahil sa isinumbong kay Macapagal-Arroyo bago ang pirmahan sa Tsina noong Abril 21, 2007. Paanong magkakaroon ng kanselasyon batay lamang sa insinwasyon?

Halata ang pagtatakip sa katotohanan ng mga nasa Malakanyang nang sinabi nilang may nawala lang sa pagsasalin (“lost in translation”) sa pag-intindi sa pahayag ng Pangulo. Ayon sa kanila, wala namang pag-aming ginawa ang Pangulo hinggil sa anomalya.

Sa huling pagsusuri, malinaw na ang paggamit ng mga angkop na salita para ipakita ang realidad ay hindi intensiyon ng Malakanyang. Ang pagiging direkta sa paghahatid ng mensahe, kahit na may kahinaan sa balarila’t ortograpiya, ay nangangailangan ng pagpapakatotoo at direktang pag-amin.

Ang nasa bokabularyo ni Pangulong Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at ng mga tagapagtanggol niya ay ang paggamit ng mga salitang magtatakip sa katotohanan, kahit na ito ay labag hindi lang sa batas ng gramatika kundi sa batas ng Pilipinas. Tunay na may dahilan para mapansin ang kamalian sa paggamit ng wika dahil sa mas seryosong kamaliang ginagawa ng Malakanyang sa mamamayan.

Pero darating din ang panahong makikita ng mamamayan ang kamalian hindi lang sa gramatika kundi sa gawa ng mga nasa Malakanyang. Kapag nangyari iyon, mas maiintindihan hindi lang ang kahulugan kundi ang esensiya ng mga salitang “pagtutuos” at “pagkilos.”

Para makipag-ugnayan sa awtor, pumunta sa www.dannyarao.com.

My wife and I were in Kalibo, Aklan from January 31 to February 2. For a more convenient travel, we took the Philippine Airlines (PAL) flight from Manila to Kalibo and then back. At the airports of Manila, Kalibo and Legazpi (which we visited also recently), we noticed this tarpaulin from PAL which warns against the use of mobile phones while on a plane.

Please remember that when you ask a friend to take it easy on the wheel, you tell him or her to drive safely. If PAL wants to provide some well-meaning safety tips, it should tell the public to “fly safely.”

Walking on a major thoroughfare in Kalibo after a very long lecture, I really cannot help but share this directional sign with you.

Please trust me when I say that an airpot in Kalibo is no different from the ones used in other parts of the world. The “airpot” refers to the place where an “airplan” lands, okay?

At a cathedral, we noticed this funny sign:

Correct me if I’m wrong: The message of the sign is that you cannot enter if you’re too close (to what, I don’t know!), and that you should remove the four wheels of your vehicle to save on precious parking space.

Anyway, there’s another sign outside the church that caught our attention:

This sign simply means that there is no limit to…sorry, I did not stick around to find out.

One of the must-sees in Kalibo is the Sampaguita Gardens. We went around the place and I noticed that there is something ungrammatical about its slogan.

As you know, there is a difference between “everyday” and “every day.” The former is used as an adjective; for example, “Christmas is an everyday season at Sampaguita Gardens.”

That’s all for now. Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you.

Even the premier state university (i.e., UP) has its share of funny signs.

Last January 10, as I waited for my turn to withdraw my salary from the ATM of the Philippine National Bank (PNB) beside the Shopping Center, I noticed this advisory. Please read it carefully!

Did you notice what’s wrong with the advisory? If you noticed the redundancy in the phrase “ATM machines,” then you’re absolutely right! As you know, ATM stands for automated teller machine. There’s no need to use the word “machine” to describe ATM.

Redundancy in the use of words is a common mistake in English, resulting in popular though ungrammatical expressions like “pleasant good morning,” “tuition fee,” “present state,” “part and parcel,” and, lest I forget “PIN number.” As regards the latter, I’m sure you know that PIN stands for personal identification number.

The proper use of prepositions is another common mistake in English. Unlike the previous sign, I think you can easily detect what’s wrong with the sign below which I found a few hours ago today (January 18) on the second floor of Balay Kalinaw. (A fellow journalist who is aware of my “funny signs” project called my attention to this as we waited for an activity to start.)

I’m sure it’s not the intention of whoever prepared this sign to tell people that they can smoke anywhere except on this area, probably on the roof! If a smoker were to obey this sign, he or she can smoke in the area where it’s posted, but not on it. Did you get the mistake in the use of prepositions?

That’s all for now and I hope you enjoyed the funny signs and the crash course in English.

Our first sign is found in a popular park in Baguio City. My wife and I, newly married at that time, were forced to leave immediately.

When we went shopping in Cubao, we noticed this sign prominently displayed near a mall’s entrance. Whoever approved the final copy of this ad should assess his or her career options. Okay, let’s focus on the text below so that you would know what’s wrong.

I’m sure you know that my “funny signs” project is nothing new, and that there are people who do a better job at it. Searching the Net for signs much funnier than what I have, I downloaded the following pictures from the Philippine Online Photo Gallery.

Can somebody please teach me how to park a car or a motorcycle vertically in the absence of a vertical parking tower? Does this involve any lifting or freewheeling?

The errors in the following signs are self-explanatory. Right?

This one, however, can be a beat tricky. Read carefully, please!

Now, don’t you feel good that you’re Asian? Next time, be aware of what you eat, especially if the food is imported.

Reading all these grammatically challenged signs in English makes you think that we’re better off composing signs in Filipino. Think again!

In the same way that there exists “carabao English,” there is really such a thing as “Barok Filipino.”

Then again, even if one’s Filipino isn’t Barok, you should make an effort to compose your sentences by observing proper syntax, among others. Otherwise you’ll come up with something badly written. Or even morbid like this one.

Yes, you may be angry and frustrated, but try to be sober in your language. Lest you want people to laugh at your ordeal, please calm down whenever you’re writing something.

Now, this next sign is funny not because of grammatical lapses. It’s the name of the shop that strikes me. What is the nature of business of this establishment? I want to know.

Never knew until now that the future can be sold. But given the kind of leaders we have, you could say that this has been done already, bereft of any warning signs.

Looking at the streamer below, you are made aware of the organizer of the event. Don’t you notice anything wrong with the name of the organization?

In case you can’t clearly see what KIDS stand for, it’s “Kaisahan sa Unang Distrito ng Sambayanan.” Wow! Forget the Senate and the House of Representatives! Politicians should aspire to head the sambayanan (citizenry), even if it’s just the first district (wherever that is). By the way, is this organization promoting federalism? Is there a new division in the Philippines that we should know about?

Oh, well. Just like the previous sign, there is nothing ungrammatical about the sign below that’s posted prominently near the entrance of a church. I actually want to commend whoever thought of this sign for not just being funny, but also being witty.

I guess the parish priest knows that there are people who have a different way of interpreting answers to their prayers. Isn’t that pragmatic? Anyway, I hope I’m not accused of being a heretic just because I find the sign below hilarious. Hope I’m forgiven if I find the “holy” part very funny.

Yes, I do know that drugs could be legal. But in this part of the planet, you’re aware that the generic term “drug” (”droga” in Filipino) is used to refer to an illegal substance like marijuana and shabu.

That’s all I have for this installment of Funny Signs. As a matter of professional courtesy, I should end by encouraging you to visit the Philippine Online Photo Gallery. Thank you for reading!

I’m sure this is just one of the many blog entries on the start (okay, “kick off“) of the UP Centennial celebration.

Joy and I were at UP Diliman last January 8 (Tuesday) to witness the grand celebration. Would you believe that some of her former professors at UP Visayas who attended (including the incumbent Chancellor of UP Visayas) still remember her? Then again, it should not be surprising as she was a student leader in the late 1980s.

Below are some pictures for your enjoyment.

As I mentioned in my Twitter post, there is something ungrammatical about the de facto slogan “Ang galing mo!” (You are excellent!) Do you know what that is?

Disclaimer: I got the photograph above from another Flickr account. Unless otherwise specified, the ones below are taken by Joy and I.

These are selected photographs of the contingent from various units. Where was I while Joy was on her way to the UP Diliman campus? Engr. Mon Ramirez, webmaster of Arkibong Bayan, sent some of the pictures he took via email. (Thanks, Mon!)

If you’re familiar with Quezon Hall, you would know that we took this picture beside the Oblation. While there, I managed to take a picture of the well-lighted Oblation by sunset.

We stayed there until the lighting the cauldron. (Sorry for the low resolution. We only used a Nokia 6288 to take this picture.)

Finally, some pictures of Joy and I to prove that we were there. (Not that we need to, but I’ll post these just the same!)

Updated (Jan. 10, 5:45 pm): A former student, Bianca Consunji, uploaded a “UP at 100” photo album on her Multiply account which includes the photograph below. Please check out her photo album for more pictures, as well as interesting and intriguing comments from her friends.

That’s all for now. Thank you for reading!